It has been over 2 years since my last visit to this blog. Alot has changed since then. Honestly, I don't remember what happened 2 years ago. One of the reasons why I wanted to blog today. I went back and read some of my earlier posts, It felt like reading a memoir. an incomplete memoir. A big piece of me that I now recognize is missing. I feel like I have changed so much ... actually no, changed isn't the right word. I would say I've discovered myself or I understand myself a little better now. This post is an entry for my future self to fill in the gap for the last 2 years. Let's see if facebook can help remind me of my activities over the past 2 years. *jump to 2013*
[Flashback]
January 2013: Javascript ... (skip) (skip) lyrics. nothing interesting
[Scene ends. darkness]
[Flashback]
Fast forward to 2014:
Applying to universities for masters. secretly giving IELTS. FYP. watching my friends applying for jobs and giving interviews. Degree about to end. fear of failing 'Software for Mobile Devices' and hence not graduating. Moment when I find out I passed. Cleared the degree on time. sigh of relief. return to Riyadh. Hearing about friends starting their jobs. Sort of going into depression not knowing what's next for me. Finally find out that I got accepted in Masters program. Back to Lahore for graduation. saying goodbye to friends and family.
[Scene ends. darkness]
Last 10 days of August 2014: I finally had peace of mind that I wasn't going to be sitting idle at home with no job. At the same time, I didn't want to leave home. I had come back to live with my parents after 4 years, I didn't want to leave. But I didn't know how to say it.
[Scene ends. darkness]
[New life begins]
I arrived in Ottawa on 1st September 2014. I was going to be living with my brother after about 7 years. I didn't know what to expect. Moving to a new place without my parents. Before this day, I had mentioned to several of my friends how I wanted to be independent. Now I had the opportunity. Not just opportunity, it became a need. I needed to become independent, and it scared me. My brother showed me once how to use the bus, got me a SIM and the next day I was on my own. Figuring out bus routes, getting to university, resolving administrative issues, getting settled in a new environment... All of a sudden being independent didn't seem so appealing. My approach in all new situations is always the same. Pretend to be brave for the first couple of days and then you get used to it. On the inside I would be scared, on the outside, I can do it, I can do it. Rip the bandage off. Do it!! The technique worked. I made it through the first semester. I survived on my own.
Now when I think back, I realize I had so much time on my hands, I could have done so much, I could have explored the city, but I wasn't ready to be THAT brave. I did just enough to show my parents (and maybe myself) that I could handle myself, that they don't need to worry about sending me away.
Second semester began. By now I was used to the university environment and so was ready to face a few extra challenges. I started attending events, became career oriented, participated as a volunteer, pushing myself to socialize and make contacts. What did I learn. Volunteer, sure. I can do it. Socialize. not my thing. (I will leave this for another post). Overall, hectic semester. juggling between assignments, projects, presentations, seminars, coop interviews. At the same time, I enjoyed it. I had great professors. I rediscovered my love for programming. I got a summer internship. everything was working out great.
Semester ends. short visit to Riyadh. So happy to meet my best friend/neighbor once again. Sad I couldn't stay to attend her big day.
Summer internship starts. Mom returns with me. Almost 4 months in now. I absolutely loved it. I love working, I am a workaholic. My state these days is ... as long as I am at work, I'm happy. I come home, I keep thinking about work. I can't wait to get back to work the next day. I was going through my tweets the other day and realized what a geek I've become. I don't want to go back to studies after this experience. Work aside, this summer I also realized something else. The last 8 months had a greater impact on me than I realized. I thought I was pushing myself to go out. At some point that changed. I got used to it. I got used to doing things on my own. Now the situation is slightly different from the first 8 months and I can feel the difference.
...to be continued
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