I AM who I AM

Introspective

You like your own company; you're a very interesting person. Tracking your own mental processes, knowing what you're thinking and why you do what you do, is important to you. Often, what's going on in your mind is more compelling than what's going on outside. For the most part, those with a high score on the "introspective" trait enjoy reading, taking long walks, learning new things, and other solitary activities.
You are not someone who is constantly looking to be among a group of friends; you never feel bored when you are by yourself.


Buttoned-Down

You like to know that everything is in its place; it's somehow empowering to know that the world around you is neat and organized. For you, schedules and timelines are great ways to stay on track, and mowing down the items on your "to do" list is a source of happiness.
You do not believe that a clean, orderly desk is the sign of a person who doesn't have enough to do; you don't thrive on a sense of personal anarchy.


Reserved

You are somewhat shy, or at least unwilling to spend all your time socializing. With you it's true that "still waters run deep," which is why many of your acquaintances never get to know you well.
You are not always ready to talk at the drop of a hat. Whether you're in the office or at a party, you're not likely to be found gabbing away in the middle of a group of people.


Curious

You like to get to the bottom of things. You're not content knowing what someone did; you want to know why they did it.
You don't simply take things as they are and move on; you're not content skimming along on the surface; you don't feel you're wasting time by digging for the meaning of things.


Solitary

You are a private person, not very comfortable in a big group, and view excessive socializing as a waste of time.
You not prefer hanging out with others to spending time alone; you do not tend to feel at home in a crowded room, club, stadium, or auditorium.


Discreet

You tend to hold onto your thoughts until you have something important to say, and even then you're not comfortable imposing your ideas on others unless you know they're truly interested.
You don't enjoy talking for the sake of talking, and you have no desire to be the center of attention.


Cooperative

You enjoy teamwork, play well with others, and prefer getting along to winning.
You're not compelled to win every contest nor to be right all the time.


Scrupulous

You are an honest, fair person. You don't lie or cheat to get ahead. You treat others with respect and hope for the same in return.
You do not feel that you are above the rules that everyone else follows; you are definitely not willing to do whatever it takes to get ahead.


Conscientious

You feel it's important to work according to a plan and finish every task, to do things correctly and thoroughly.
You are not the kind of person who abandons a project before finishing it, or slacks off when you've lost interest.


Prudent

You look before you leap, think before you act, consider what you're about to say before you open your mouth to speak; that's why you rarely have to eat your words.
You usually don't get excited easily or blurt out the first thing that comes to mind without considering the consequences.

I'm in CONTROL!

I wrote this in class after Ms. Sajida was called out of the class and everyone was talking among themselves, actually more like screaming their heads off.

There's another side to ME, The side that I don't really like, the side that prevents me from being happy. It controls me in state of confusion, in awkward situations, it controls what I think and say. It thinks too much leaving my mind exhausted and blocked. It prevents happy feelings from entering it.

The thing I hate about most about it is that, it prevents me from saying what I actually think and feel and often results in artificial answers. I would like to apologise to everyone who has been a victim of this, WAIT, are you the victim, or am I? I suddenly feel like I’m the victim. I’ve been the only victim all along.

I’m confused and cannot decide when I’m ME and when this other person takes over.

Those artificial smiles and artificial phrases are not who I am, Those are the things I sometimes end up regretting. But it’s not always fake, not with my true friends. There have been frequent occasions in the past 2 years, when I have experienced real emotions. REAL HAPPINESS.

But then I think back and realise that, this other person is also ME and is a huge part of what makes me ME. Without it I won’t be who I am. I won’t be the person you are friends with, and I’m not ready to let go and so I’m not ready to let this other person go

I think it’s coming back…taking over ME or taking over itself?

Who to Blame?

It's been a long since I blogged last time. Truth is I don't know what to blog about anymore. I blame "TWITTER" for that and I blame @sheenamalik for asking me to join twitter. The result is, all the time I'm thinking about twitter. I wake up the morning, get dressed and end up on twitter. Come back from school and am on twitter the entire day. In school, usually in Maths class, Ms rubina would say something funny and all I can think about is "I have to tweet this, I wish I had my cell phone right now and I could tweet this, I'll go home and tweet this". So by the time I get home, I forget what I had to tweet and I don't remember enough details to blog either.

Now you see I was planning on sharing another one of my theories with you but ended up talking about TWITTER. It's kind of like my new "ONE TREE HILL". first I used to tell everyone to watch ONE TREE HILL, now I tell everyone to join TWITTER.

Here it goes, this is the second time I've noticed noticed this. It was an amazing weather this morning, wasn't warm, not too cold either, but nice cool winds, and as soon as I came in contact with the cool winds, I immediately had a smile on my face and the entire day at school was amazing, laughing with friends the entire time. so, based on my experience, I propose that,
weather has a significant effect on a persons mood. A good weather or more appropriately, the weather you enjoy would almost always put you in a good mood.

Twice may not be enough to base a theory on, but it is very rare that Riyadh experiences such an amzazing weather, and so its not possible for me to test my theory. I'd leave that up to you.

I would love to know if you agree with me or not. @sheenamalik would probably disagree. because right after the biology lesson, I realized that she wasn't having as good a day as I was. {I wrote the entire blog in the bio lesson, and soon after that realized that the theory has already been proven wrong =( }

E.FULL as Nosh would say it!

I'm gonna share with u something i wrote down long time
ago, long before i had i blog, to be exact, it was on 3rd december 2006. I was
going through my drawer a couple of nights back and found this piece of paper
hidden in a diary.

" 3 dec. 2006

I feel as if no one cares about me. Everyone thinks as if I have no fellings.
They think I have no right to get angry and cry. I should do what they want me
to do. I should make others happy and not care about my own feelings.

THINGS I HAVE TO DO: Control my temper and not cry unnecesarily"

I can't remeber the incident that led me write this, but
this and lots of other similar thoughts still come into my mind when i'm angry.

Since then, I believe i have gained some control on my temper, but still can't
control the unnecesary crying.

Right now I'm not angry, and I do realize that its wrong of me to say these
things...cause there are uncountable people who actually care about me.

Déjà vu

Déjà vu...This is one of the topics I have discussed with almost everyone I know. For some reason I find this very interesting...and cannot resist finding out more about it.

Surely, all of you have experienced Déjà vu even if you do not know what its called. according to wikipedia Déjà vu is the experience of feeling sure that one has witnessed or experienced a new situation previously (an individual feels as though an event has already happened or has happened in the near past), although the exact circumstances of the previous encounter are uncertain..

I have had this feeling many times...and i always try to change what's happening but as soon as change something i'm brought back to reality...and then can't stop thinking did i change anything? was it actually like this....'cause the end doesn't seem much different, probably cause Déjà vu only last for a few seconds (might even be a split second...not sure). There are other questions too...and that's why i am curious to find out more and more about this feeling....I want to understand what it is.

When I started thinking of blogging about this, another thought occurred to me...relating to the movie Déjà vu. In the movie they have this machine through which they managed to see and later travel back in time to exactly four and a half day....this got me thinking that maybe, just maybe there's a time machine out there...and when time is reversed (which we don't feel) and then comes back to the moment it was reversed...during this time we have Déjà vu...the second time we're doing something and we have a feeling that the same thing has happened before in exactly the same way...cause it has happened before. [I don't know how to explain this thing...i'm sure i myself will be confused if i read this paragraph again]

neways...the previous paragraph was a total nonsense...if there's one thing i've seen being invented in movies and am absolutely sure that it cannot be made in real life....it's a time machine....I firmly believe that humans are incapable of controlling time. (unless?)

but of course, there's still a question of WHAT IF?

P.S. if you know more about Déjà vu, please tell me ... i need to know more

SWEET SILVER LINING

I'm going home downhearted and hoping
I'm close to some new beginning
I know There's a reason for everything That comes and goes

But so many people are looking to me
To be strong and to fight But I'm just surviving
I may be weak but I'm never defeated
And i'll keep believing In clouds with that sweet silver lining

Most days I try my best to put on a brave face
but inside My bones are cold and my heart breaks
But all the while Somethings keeping me safe and alive

But so many people are looking to me
To be strong and to fight but I'm just surviving
I may be weak but I'm never defeated
And I'll keep believing In clouds with that sweet silver lining

And I won't give up like this, I will be given strength
Now that I've found it nothing can take that away

so many people are looking to me
To be strong and to fight But I'm just surviving
I may be weak but I'm never defeated
And i'll keep believing

so many people are looking to me
To be strong and to fight But I'm just surviving
I may be weak but I'm never defeated
And i'll keep believing In clouds with that sweet silver lining
Sweet Silver Lining

This song is written by KATE VEGELE
I would like to dedicate this song to all of you...I strongly believe that we all have a purpose in this world, and each and every one of us makes a difference in this world, and in each others's life...The experiences we share make us the person who we are.

JUST FOR LAUGHS

A couple of years of back I made up a theory for myself … mainly for my own satisfaction … it might be a fact or it might not be … but neways according to this theory, "no two people ever think the same, everyone understands things differntly".
According to peyton sawyer “At this moment, there are six billion, four hundred seventy million, eight hundred eighteen thousand, six hundred seventy one people in the world.” 6,470,818,671.
So just imagine, if everyone reads a sentence, how many different ways of understanding that simple sentence are there. It’s just my understanding of things….doesn’t have to make sense.
And for some reason every time I read the quote above, the thought occurs to me is that I’m that one in the end…makes me feel special…makes me feel like I make a difference.

This isn’t the only theory I have. I can’t remember most of them at the time but would like to share the latest one I came up with during my AS exams. Well, there was a question in one of the physics past papers, that got me thinking…if we consider force as tension and distance as no. of days…we know that force is inversely proportional to distance, so if distance decreases, force should increase and vice versa…if we apply this to real life situation like exams…it would be…as no. of days to the exam day decrease, tension increases. Same is true if we apply it to the result day…as the no. of days to the result day decrease, tension increases………..LOL

I’ll try to remember the rest of my theories and blog them later….until then u can keep laughing with me at these nonsense theories…hahahahahhahaahahahhahaha