Regret

“Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small like when we do a bad thing for a good reason. Some are bigger like when you let down a friend. Some of us escape the pain of regret by making the right choice. Some of us have little time for regret, because for looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past, and sometimes we bury our regrets by promising to change our own ways. But our biggest regrets are not of things we did — but, for things we didn’t do. Things we didn’t say that could save someone that we care about. Especially, when we can see the dark storm is headed their way.” - One Tree Hill

untitled

so I made another blog a while ago and as expected I didn't follow through with my plans of blogging atleast once a week. now I'm thinking to change that to a tech blog and removing all other posts. since I don't want to remove those posts, I'm gonna shift them here

I DON'T KNOW

Just now I was watching "Ted Talks" and I realized that I wasn't actually WATCHING it or LISTENING to it. Infact what I was doing was looking at the screen and hearing what the man was saying. During the video I managed to grab an idea of what the man was talking about, but as soon as it ended, which is just now, I can't remember anything he said.

I had been trying to figure out why/how my memory had gone so bad and I guess this is the answer. I don't LISTEN, I only hear what's happening in my surroundings.I don't pay attention. Figuring this much out solves one part of the problem. The second part is, WHY DON'T I PAY ATTENTION? I don't know.

Honestly, I'm starting to freak myself out. I don't know who I am anymore. The things which once appealed to me, don't appeal to me anymore. My priorities are all messed up. There are a few things remaining which I am sure I want in life, but the problem is I'm not really doing anything to achieve them. and the answer to everything is I DON'T KNOW =/

-7th August 2012-

I dream of a day ...

ASPIRATION (fantasy)

This was an assignment for Organisation Behavior. It really got me thinking as to what I really wanted to be. Sir told us we could write about anything, It doesn't have to make sense, doesn't have to be logical. Just look into yourself and pour out your feelings. This is what I came up with.

As a kid I wanted to become a doctor. As I became older, I wanted to become a photographer, a mathematician, a scientist, an astronaut, a hair stylist, a chef, a forensic scientist and what not. All these were probably just dreams growing up. These were the answers I would give to people who asked me what I wanted to be. Apart from these there’s this deep down fantasy, something you don’t tell people. For me that was a psychotherapist. I have this feeling of insecurity, trust issues. I feel like I don’t understand people. I don’t know how people think. This is how it all began.
The basic reason why I want to be a psychotherapist is because I want to understand people, understand how a human brain works, how people think, why do we all perceive things differently?
If you know me, you would know that I’m not very talkative at first, I’m more of a listener. I like listening to people, and since I’m not the talkative type, I’m pretty good at keeping secrets. What I’m not good at is giving advice. I would hope to learn this if a plan to do a degree in psychotherapy. Or maybe I won’t need to, because as far as I know, psychotherapist answer questions with questions.
From what I know about myself, psychotherapy is an ideal job for me. I have the need to know things. It’s a job where people can come to me with their problems, and well I can help fix those problems. I’d be helping the society, making people happy. Spreading smiles :)
Apart from helping people, I want to know why we humans behave in a certain way. Why do some people kill? What was a murderer thinking when he first killed? Why do people commit suicide? What could be so bad in life that you simply give up, forget all the good and kill yourself?
I don’t know why I didn’t adopt this as a career when I had the chance. I could have done bachelors in psychotherapy. But I didn’t. This need of mine to know things is deeper than even I realize. I plan to study about it. There are enough books and enough material to learn about it on my own. That is exactly what I’ll do, SOMEDAY.

How I would like to perceive my current Situation ...

This is going to be my first real post since I joined University.
Firstly, University life is NOTHING like what we are told or what we have seen in movies. As far as my university life is concerned, I would say, university is study study study, sleep, study. zero social life. okay maybe not zero, but very low. on a scale of 1 to 100, lets say 10. [that's just me]

I have my finals very soon. Last week of classes in progress. Overburdened with assignments, projects, term papers, presentation, quizzes, evaluations and what not.
This thought struck my mind and I felt the need to blog. so here I am after all this time.

"Our teachers torture us because they care about our future. We let them torture us because we care about our future. Our family on the other hand cares about us and scold us and tell us to take a break from studies as an attempt to keep us sane. They are the only ones who care about our PRESENT."
So don't hate them for scolding you, don't be mad at them. They want you to enjoy today, and not worry about the future. (oh, and don't forget, your grades are your responsibility. They have nothing to do with your family telling you to take a break). This is what I'm trying to make myself believe at the moment. Don't know how much of this is true :P

Also, I'm forced to wonder, how we came to this stage. There used to be a time when we would get scolded because we didn't want to study. Now, we get scolded because we study all the time.

P.S If you don't agree, re-read the post replacing all "we" with "I"
P.P.S Listen to your Parents, they know what's best for you. I didn't, Now I'm paying the Price. [#medical, #FAST...If you know what I mean]